Posts Tagged ‘men’

Two for One Special

February 24, 2008

The third most important thing in life is to have a good marriage.  Here are some of my random thoughts on the subject.

 I had a pretty happy marriage.  I certainly  hope my dear husband would have said so too.  I do so miss him.  I tell you ladies, even if your husband is mean as a snake, if he’s still alive, he isn’t hopeless.  Better a live one, I always say.  So if you have a live one–work on whatever he needs to sweeten him up, and then enjoy the socks off him!

I think there are a few things you ought to know going into the thing.  Pick one who treats his mother well.  If he hates his mother, he’s always going to see her in you somewhere, and he will rather hate you whenever he does.  So insist on meeting his mother as soon as you are reasonably sure he’s husband material, and watch very carefully, because you know, they all put on an act when they are courting–trying to impress you.

Make sure he’s even tempered.  You might even poke at this a bit.  Try disagreeing with him, and see how he takes it.  Heaven knows you will have to disagree with him now and again in your marriage, and if he’s ugly when he is crossed, he’s definitely not a keeper.

See if you agree on the essentials.  You don’t want to find out after you’ve tied the knot that he’s going to make you miserable every Sunday morning over going to church, if he’s going to balk at the idea of children, or if you are in total disagreement over finances, housekeeping or whatever.  See how he lives, and know him long enough to get a handle on how he thinks.  Watch how he acts around children.  If children like him, that is worth at least half the necessary total points right there.  Children just know things instinctively–like who’s honest and kind.  It also helps if dogs like him.  Their opinions are worth almost as many points as children’s.

Once you’re as sure as anyone can be that he’s the one, you can start working on catching him.  There are all sorts of ways to do that.  I won’t say to be manipulative or anything of that sort, but if you show him how kind and good and sweet you are, you will soon have him convinced he can’t live without you.  Of course, your character must be above reproach as well.

Once you have decided to get married, please, please keep the wedding as simple and fun as possible.  You two should plan it together–not your mothers.  Its difficult enough, it doesn’t need mothers to thoroughly complicate it.  I say this, having had no daughters, but a mum shouldn’t be trying to re-live her life through her daughter’s wedding.  No, its so much more important to have things relaxed so that you two should enjoy your day.  You don’t want to start your marriage with a wedding night from hell, because you are both sick, have headaches or are nervous wrecks.

Once you are married, treat your marriage like a hothouse plant.  Believe me, its worth the investment.  I had several relatives who raised orchids.  They are very temperamental, and require a great deal of attention, but they are worth every bit of the work and sacrifice when they bloom beautifully and provide you with years of pleasure.  The years of satisfaction and comfort in marriage don’t just happen–they have to be planned, worked and sacrificed for–but they are so very worthwhile.

Don’t give up.  Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever give up.  Remember passion in marriage is like the ebb and flow of the tides.  There will be times when the tide is out and you are left with a lot of debris–well, never mind.  Just know that everything in life has a rhythm, and if you always felt like you did on your wedding day, your body and nervous system couldn’t handle the load and you’d crash and burn.  You have mountaintop experiences, and then you have to rest from them.  You’re in this for the long haul.  If God lets you, you want to be married till you’re both very very old and helping each other get out of the chair and remember people’s names.  Be patient.  Just as Rome wasn’t built in a day, a good marriage has to cook a long, long time.  If you get the seven year itch, just remember, at seven years, you haven’t even got it broken in yet.  The rewards come later, when you have fought all the battles you can ever think of, know all of each others buttons and how not to touch them, and have comfortable boundaries you both know well.  Then the respect, familiarity and affection pay off so well, and you have a very happy contentment.  Its so worth it.

Don’t forget your man is a man.  I’ve heard it said men are from Mars, women are from Venus.  I don’t know if thats true, but men are certainly from some other planet, thats a forgone conclusion!  Men and women aren’t interchangeable pieces, no matter what the modern thinking says.  Biology will never change in our lifetimes, and biology is powerful.  Being a woman, married to a man, gives you perspective you can get in no other way, I promise.  Men and women complete each other–the physical way is just a tangible expression of the mental and emotional ways they become one as well.  So don’t wish your husband were more like you–what would that do?  Can you dance with two left feet?  Can you do the tango with both people dancing the same part?  You get the idea.

Last of all remember, marriage is a stonewasher.  Its noisy and turbulent, but in the end you wear all the roughness off each other and become something beautiful together.  I think God meant it that way.