Fluid Lifestyles

Cindy’s life was very fluid when she was growing up.  She never knew her birth father, or even who he was.  Her mother married for the first time when Cindy was four.  Her “new daddy” adopted her, and she took his name.  He lived with them for two years, but Cindy sensed her mother wasn’t happy.  When Cindy was six, her mother left her daddy and moved in with another woman.  They lived there for three years.  The woman was kind to Cindy, who called her “Big Momma.”  She wasn’t her mommy, Cindy knew, but in some way she was family.  After three years, Cindy and her mom moved again.  This time it was just the two of them.  She mostly liked that better.  Both Daddy and Big Momma had been nice, and Cindy had liked them.  She missed them for quite awhile, but Cindy liked having Mommy all to herself.  When Cindy was 14, her mom moved in with a much younger woman.  Paula tried to be a friend to Cindy, sort of a “big sister”, and while that was fun in a way, Cindy was starting to become her own person and think her own thoughts.  Mom got in the way, and Paula really got in the way.  Cindy wasn’t sure how to explain Paula to her friends, so she told them Paula was their roommate.

Cindy wasn’t sure if she wanted to date.  Part of her wanted to be like her friends, part remembered her mom had been unhappy with daddy and mom didn’t want another man.  Also, part of her really wondered about the half of herself that was a stranger.  She knew that she came from a real man once, and she wondered what he was like.  She was confused because Mom and Paula had a lot of Lesbian friends and that was their social circle.  Cindy didn’t know if she fit there, but if she didn’t fit there, she wasn’t sure how Mom would take it, really.  Mom kept saying “Be yourself”, but all Mom’s other messages were “stay away from men”.

Meanwhile, Mom left Paula and they lived alone again.  Cindy went to college.  She wanted to love and be loved.  She wanted a family.  She felt drawn to the health professions, and she became a therapist.  She got to know some of her patients very well, and was so happy that some of them seemed to love her.  She very much liked a fellow therapist.  They liked a lot of the same things and decided to move in together.  Her new partner, Jody was a woman.  After a year, Cindy decided she and Jody could be the family she always dreamed of.  They talked and talked, and decided Cindy should become a mother, since that was her dream.  Jody liked children, but wasn’t anxious to become pregnant herself.  So Cindy became pregnant through artificial insemination and gave birth to a son.  She remembered how she had wondered about her own father, so she was careful to get background information for her son.  There would be everything except a name.  She was so pleased with her son, she asked for the same donor for her second child.  She was delighted that her two boys were fully, completely brothers.  However, the second child was the undoing of her relationship with Jody.  She needed more and more from Jody, especially childcare and financial support.  Meanwhile, Jody was trying harder, getting less from Cindy, while Cindy felt Jody didn’t bond with the boys as a parent should.  They went their separate ways and Cindy and the boys moved in with Cindy’s mother for awhile.  Cindy began to get more involved in the children’s activities and as Cindy watched other families interact, she wondered what it would be like for her and the boys to have a dad in their family.  About that time a bachelor became very interested in Cindy and her boys.  After a year-long courtship during which time Cindy felt she’d never been treated better, she married Ben, and he adopted her boys.  Ben threw himself into being the best husband and father ever.  He wanted Cindy to quit her job and be at home.  She panicked at what she saw as loss of her independence and she refused.  Ben didn’t make an issue of it, but now Cindy was wary.  Her mom hadn’t been happy in her only marriage.  Maybe men weren’t to be trusted, were too controlling, too dominant.  Cindy became jealous of Ben’s doting on the boys.  She felt he married her so he could be a dad.  She began to find faults in him and decided she didn’t like marriage all that much.  When a very wealthy, older female patient became interested in “traveling” with Cindy, she left Ben.  A few months later, Cindy and the boys were traveling the world with Myra, Cindy’s new love.  She was homeschooling the boys, and they were all seeing the world–cruise after cruise, resort after resort.  The boys were very handsome and became Cindy’s little trophies.  Everywhere they went, people showered them with attention.  The boys had no friends their age, and no close relationship with any man.  It remains to be seen whether Cindy and Myra will stay together, and what will happen to the boys, for this story is true and this is as far as it has played out.

What this story illustrates is what I call a “fluid lifestyle”.  People who are unsure of who they are and what they want, have children.  They then drag these children through relationship after relationship without any thought about the child’s needs, the child’s bonds or any sort of stability for the child.

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